RAMI WAS YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL, AND SMART. She had this uncanny ability to surprise yourself. She would first catch you off-guard and then her child-like innocent face, which might seem pretended at times owing to her intelligence, could leave you undecided for feeling embraced or otherwise. I have to say though that Rami have been genuine all the while. When she first came and met with us, she had to begin by giving her introduction to all as it was customary. To my reckoning that was the shortest possible introduction that I have ever heard anywhere. Under the scanner of so many curious and searching pairs of eyes, she just stood there, waiting for a few moments, unflinching and blushing at the same time, and finally saying, “I am a child-of-reason”. And that was that. That was all that she would offer as her introduction. In the days that followed, it surfaced that the one-liner was actually speaking volumes about her.
If Dino and I were partners-in-quest with ingenuity, Rami was all about brevity, and who taught me some also.
The more than longer pauses that she used to take between her short sentences were a nag to the patience of a few, though the majority used to utilise that time to expand in their minds what was just said by her. Throwing away all reasons was like throwing away the shield and getting exposed and defenceless. However, with the hood, the mask was also being removed...The kind of attention and engagement that her condensed, short and crisp monologue used to command was rather amazing, and at times surprising also. Perhaps it was her sincerity to the use of words, or may be it was her sweet-and-strong voice, or both!
• • •
There Is No Reason:
The predominance of rationalisation and thinking overshadowed almost all other faculties for Rami. Her outwardly pleasant, charming and open personality had a very polarised structure within, favouring thinking and reasoning over intuitions, feelings and similar personality traits. However, in the tiny corner somewhere deep in shadows, being nurtured by 'doubt', she had a struggling sprout of what one might call ‘faith’, and which contrasted with her otherwise reason-driven outlook, and thus created a lot of struggle of internal combustion.
Friction of Self rubbing against Self.
It became apparent in a few days that I was able to relate to her more easily and closely, perhaps because we shared the same occupational hazard, if you like, that goes with professional Analysts dealing with Computers and technology. She has had the kind of mind that could digest only reason and all things logical. At the same time, the state of her mind was like it was cut into two by doubt; and whilst the reason-driven fraction was trying to dominate the whole, the subdued part was not letting up protests either.
Fraction of Self protesting against Self.
It was indeed a difficult initiation into meditation for her to sit quietly and throw away reasons. For, the Master (deliberately) refused to give any reason for her to take that meditation sitting:
Throwing away reason was like throwing away the shield for Rami and getting exposed, vulnerable and defenceless. However, with the hood, the mask was also being removed. For a few days that followed, Rami found herself doing many “strange” things, strange by her definition of absence of any apparent reason whatsoever, and which made no "sense" to rational Rami. The master would not offer any explanations or comforts either, and as it appeared, was rather rough towards her which was very unlike of him.
Dear Rami; I could only imagine the amount of self-inflicted torture she had to undergo. Later, after the initial surge and its effects were, for want of a better word, stable, the master described it as a Samurai sword technique that would cut the mind from its roots in a single lightening blow. And 'you' are suddenly revealed unto yourself. Your inherent weaknesses, deep they may be, are thrown open in public. You stare into the eyes of your own dragons, with the fiery breath ragging into your lunges.
As it were, there were two possibilities: if one is not ready, one would crack up with schizophrenia, and go mad, destabilised, useless; But if one is ready, one has what it takes, she would take the blows, buckle over it, absorb it, and straighten up again as if wanting for more.
"Try me...", instead of "Why me..?"
Whilst this was a very accelerated approach, it was upon the discretion of the master to subject one to it, for not everyone was ready, and not everyone has had the endurance to face the Self unannounced. Rami, it appeared, was ready.
• • •
Headless Wanderings:
Rami came back strongly after every insult to her faculties, abuses to her senses, and rejections of her reasoning. She never cried. Sometimes, she wept, hard and long, from the depth of the concluding moments of her meditation sittings, for her world was so unilateral and “normal” thus far that she never felt the tenderness of the mind and logic of the heart. The release of such kind left her empty and silent, only to bounce back filled with as much love and warmth.
Transformation under magnification... Alchemy, in motion...
The more dangerous phase of her inward development began after a break of a few months. Rami was to let her descent in her self purely through the slippery surface of her own, juvenile, but unacquainted intuitions, and without the familiar support of reason and thinking. The intensity in the eyes of the master at these moments was but a supporting evidence suggesting the unpredictability and tenderness of the situation. For Rami was to start wandering headlessly into a foreign and at times hostile valley. There was no method, no practice, no set steps; there was only this premise that said,
"Do not fear; Have no desires; Just walk past those two; And I am, 'I am', right here, now, waiting".
The characteristics of her pursuit within her subconscious were largely marked by the mandala’s - her self-portraits - that she drew after her "dives" within, in the form of various lotuses in all shapes and sizes, in all colours and shades, capturing devotion, indulgence and love, though sensual in flavour that they were at times.
• • •
Moderation - The Key:
The most surprising was the third phase of development for Rami, a reversal, where she was to do all things logical and through reason. The bewilderment on Rami’s part was all too visible, and we were equality party to it. Her meditation practices now included Mathematical theorems, Chemistry equations and Hypothesis from Physics. She was asked by the master to play the role of an adviser to an investment banking firm (the role she was to assume after a few months in her real life) in her meditations and focus on how to 'make money'.
The response from the master to the queries with regards to that was rather short, and so well suited for Rami and her brevity:
Expansion:
A life led by intuition alone might make one a burden on the family and the society at large. A life led simply by thinking and reason only might make one a burden unto herself.
The "way" lies somewhere in the middle.
If Dino and I were partners-in-quest with ingenuity, Rami was all about brevity, and who taught me some also.
The more than longer pauses that she used to take between her short sentences were a nag to the patience of a few, though the majority used to utilise that time to expand in their minds what was just said by her. Throwing away all reasons was like throwing away the shield and getting exposed and defenceless. However, with the hood, the mask was also being removed...The kind of attention and engagement that her condensed, short and crisp monologue used to command was rather amazing, and at times surprising also. Perhaps it was her sincerity to the use of words, or may be it was her sweet-and-strong voice, or both!
There Is No Reason:
The predominance of rationalisation and thinking overshadowed almost all other faculties for Rami. Her outwardly pleasant, charming and open personality had a very polarised structure within, favouring thinking and reasoning over intuitions, feelings and similar personality traits. However, in the tiny corner somewhere deep in shadows, being nurtured by 'doubt', she had a struggling sprout of what one might call ‘faith’, and which contrasted with her otherwise reason-driven outlook, and thus created a lot of struggle of internal combustion.
Friction of Self rubbing against Self.
It became apparent in a few days that I was able to relate to her more easily and closely, perhaps because we shared the same occupational hazard, if you like, that goes with professional Analysts dealing with Computers and technology. She has had the kind of mind that could digest only reason and all things logical. At the same time, the state of her mind was like it was cut into two by doubt; and whilst the reason-driven fraction was trying to dominate the whole, the subdued part was not letting up protests either.
Fraction of Self protesting against Self.
It was indeed a difficult initiation into meditation for her to sit quietly and throw away reasons. For, the Master (deliberately) refused to give any reason for her to take that meditation sitting:
“sit here, close your eyes, and keep quiet…”And the master walked past her.
“okay, but why? What would it do?”
“nothing, just like that… now, do it for next one hour”
“what do you mean?”
“there is no meaning…”
Throwing away reason was like throwing away the shield for Rami and getting exposed, vulnerable and defenceless. However, with the hood, the mask was also being removed. For a few days that followed, Rami found herself doing many “strange” things, strange by her definition of absence of any apparent reason whatsoever, and which made no "sense" to rational Rami. The master would not offer any explanations or comforts either, and as it appeared, was rather rough towards her which was very unlike of him.
Dear Rami; I could only imagine the amount of self-inflicted torture she had to undergo. Later, after the initial surge and its effects were, for want of a better word, stable, the master described it as a Samurai sword technique that would cut the mind from its roots in a single lightening blow. And 'you' are suddenly revealed unto yourself. Your inherent weaknesses, deep they may be, are thrown open in public. You stare into the eyes of your own dragons, with the fiery breath ragging into your lunges.As it were, there were two possibilities: if one is not ready, one would crack up with schizophrenia, and go mad, destabilised, useless; But if one is ready, one has what it takes, she would take the blows, buckle over it, absorb it, and straighten up again as if wanting for more.
"Try me...", instead of "Why me..?"
Whilst this was a very accelerated approach, it was upon the discretion of the master to subject one to it, for not everyone was ready, and not everyone has had the endurance to face the Self unannounced. Rami, it appeared, was ready.
Headless Wanderings:Rami came back strongly after every insult to her faculties, abuses to her senses, and rejections of her reasoning. She never cried. Sometimes, she wept, hard and long, from the depth of the concluding moments of her meditation sittings, for her world was so unilateral and “normal” thus far that she never felt the tenderness of the mind and logic of the heart. The release of such kind left her empty and silent, only to bounce back filled with as much love and warmth.
Transformation under magnification... Alchemy, in motion...
The more dangerous phase of her inward development began after a break of a few months. Rami was to let her descent in her self purely through the slippery surface of her own, juvenile, but unacquainted intuitions, and without the familiar support of reason and thinking. The intensity in the eyes of the master at these moments was but a supporting evidence suggesting the unpredictability and tenderness of the situation. For Rami was to start wandering headlessly into a foreign and at times hostile valley. There was no method, no practice, no set steps; there was only this premise that said,
"Do not fear; Have no desires; Just walk past those two; And I am, 'I am', right here, now, waiting".
The characteristics of her pursuit within her subconscious were largely marked by the mandala’s - her self-portraits - that she drew after her "dives" within, in the form of various lotuses in all shapes and sizes, in all colours and shades, capturing devotion, indulgence and love, though sensual in flavour that they were at times.
Moderation - The Key:
The most surprising was the third phase of development for Rami, a reversal, where she was to do all things logical and through reason. The bewilderment on Rami’s part was all too visible, and we were equality party to it. Her meditation practices now included Mathematical theorems, Chemistry equations and Hypothesis from Physics. She was asked by the master to play the role of an adviser to an investment banking firm (the role she was to assume after a few months in her real life) in her meditations and focus on how to 'make money'.
The response from the master to the queries with regards to that was rather short, and so well suited for Rami and her brevity:
"Moderation in everything, [including moderation.] -- Anacharsis."
Expansion:
A life led by intuition alone might make one a burden on the family and the society at large. A life led simply by thinking and reason only might make one a burden unto herself.
The "way" lies somewhere in the middle.